RateItAll: The Opinion Network

If Samson was around nowadays he'd be one of those guys who was really nice too all good people, but he'd have all the women. Except he'd base everything on looks and never on personality. So he'd end up with all these girls who were nice to look at, but completely horrible.

Then if there was some gang of dudes picking on you, you'd just get Samson to rip them all apart.


He'd probably drive a motorbike and would never ever be seen without his trusty honey pot...

Much like Winnie the Pooh.

Another man of God, sent to undo the trouble men were constantly changing their mind about. Samson was quick tempered and violent in regards to everyone but Delilah, apparantly. Given that he was a judge of Israel and gifted with the strength of heaven, it is illogical to assume he was stupid or given to simple carnal lusts. After coming into conflicts with some greedy, backstabbing Philistines, Samson flies into a rage, and the eventual contest of bloody vengeance brings about the death of many, many Philistines who continually contest against their obvious superior. Eventually, blinded by his love for a woman that obviously cares more about much more than Samson, he is tricked, captured and physically blinded. The powers of heaven leave Samson when his head is shaved. After his hair grows back, some three thousand Philistines decide to assemble and glout over their captured Israeli champion. Samson, refusing to suffer defeat, manages to kill the proud, mocking Philistines by removing the pillars that support them, thereby killing three thousand of them. An intelligent, crafty defensive lineman with a soft spot for parsimonious, weak moralled women who feign benefice and succor and manipulate the sense of vulnerability and meekness.

Another of Yahweh's slow-motion deputies, sent to undo the trouble he was constantly changing his mind about. Born to ANOTHER barren wife of a herdsman (anyone sensing a pattern here?), Samson grew up big, stupid, and spoiled hostile in Mahaneh Dan, where he started getting the "tinglies" for Philistine chicks (came darn close to marrying one of 'em, but the whole thing fell apart over a dippy riddle and a big mouth). The law was looking for any way to put Sammy down after a sneak attack that left a thousand dead from a wielded donkey mandible, but it didn't take 'em long to zero in on the tail hound's main weakness. Enter Delilah, the Sorek siren with the gift of grate. LOVED the exchange in Judges 16:6-16; was "chunkhead" so blinded by lust that he couldn't figure out what Dee was up to (the THREE night-time break-ins would've at least had me scouting new locations for tea and trysts). Anyway, she finally breaks the liar, brings in a pinch-barber (Sweeney Todd?), and earns those silver shekels she'd been promised. After grinding in Gaza, the idiot Philistines let the now-sightless Nazirite's natural grow back in; knowing that nothing is more entertaining than razzing a fallen enemy, they cart him in for kicks and giggles at a big Dagon rally, where the dumbest seeing-eye servant of all time places Samson right between a couple of load-bearing pillars. Sam brought the house down (on himself, as well), with a body count that would've made Arnold, Stallone, and Norris applaud. I've always likened Samson to Mongo in BLAZING SADDLES, where, as with Karras's character, he was "only pawn in game of life". An oversexed offensive lineman without the jersey or the diploma.

A man of God who was tempted by Delilah but still held onto his faith.