Who drinks this swill? I'm asking that seriously. I never ever ever see anyone drinking Dr. Pepper.

I mean, people must, right? They're still in business, and spend a lot of advertising coin, so Cadbury must be getting something back in sales...but where?

Is Dr. Pepper the Soulja Boy of sodas? Like, people are embarrassed to drink it, so they only do so behind closed doors? Because if I did happen to like Dr. Pepper, by some odd stretch, that's what I'd do.

Their CEO once said, "I've always maintained you cannot tell anyone what Dr Pepper tastes like because it's so different. It's not an apple, it's not an orange, it's not a strawberry, it's not a root beer, it's not even a cola. It's a different kind of drink with a unique taste all its own." I've been sitting here for five minutes trying to come up with some burn about what it tastes like, and I agree with that guy: I got nothing. But if "red" can be classified a flavor, then why can't "suck?"

Dr. Pepper's: Cool, refreshing suck since 1885.