Work & Office

How do you maintain a friendly and professional relationship with your coworkers and boss? How do you deal with office gossip? Share your views and stories of work relations in this section.

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3277 days ago

Eh, some people are sensative about their names. I would only do it if its someone I have known for years and Im comfortable with. It also depends on how lame the nick-name is and how their sense of humor is.

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3277 days ago

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3277 days ago

Huh?

Why wait? If your that hungry then try and get to the breakroom before the rush comes in and inhales all the free food. If someone is not aware and they are a close co-worker of mine I may snag a bite for them while I am in there.

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3527 days ago

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3563 days ago

Someone saw my reviews on my home page and asked me to review another office-related item...so I picked this one. I mean, some of these office things are really silly--but this one is somewhat relevant to places I've worked before...


RUNNING INTERFERENCE:

You don't need to put a chair facing the printer and sit there. Every office has a few characters...such as Psycho-Typer (in another post of mine--have a look)....and another of these office characters is the the person who runs document "interference." We all know who this is. I really can't pick out one gender over the other--both have done it.

The person "running interference" is the person who always has to print a document and walk all the way over to the printer and watch it come out or wait for it as it does. If the printer is ultra fast and spits out documents in lightning speed--the interference person knows exactly how to compensate--they'll just print out multiple documents one page at a time, and walk up to the printer for each one. That's a second level Waitre D--The consummate professional.

I myself am either too busy with real work, or slightly lazy. I print documents and let them just pile up on the printer...I just make a little tick mark on a piece of paper for each page I print... Then in about an hour or so, I see how many documents I printed and go get them... Someone just as lazy as myself will have left them right on the printer, put them in a loose pile next to the printer, or even done this neat trick:

They will go to the printer, see the hanging/rested documents that have been printed out by everyone...Then they fish out their documents only, paging through everyone's in the search...Then after getting theirs, they reassemble the mass pile and place it back hanging or resting in the printout area of the printer faking the virginity of freshly printed and ordered documents. What's with that technique? What raging psychopath goes through all this effort? If you know people that do this--watch them do it--it's fun. Right before they place the mass pile of documents back on the printer printout area/rack, they will quickly shift their eyes looking left and right as if to double check they "won't be caught."

Back to my printer nightmare:

So I will print out x amount of documents, and then make a tick mark on apiece of paper, and then get up and eventually get my x amount of pages I printed. However, the person running interference has a third level of stewardship... "Advanced Interference."

This is the mother of all office psychopaths when it comes to printers. They exhibit all of the behaviors and go above and beyond the call of duty to screw up your documents. Here's the scenario:

I print out several documents. I make a few tick marks. Some of those documents I will fax. The fax machine in most offices is usually near the printer if you don't have e-fax for documents. Some of my documents I may have to drop off in someone's mailbox physically for signing. Some of those documents I will drop off to the mail department, or place in another bin somewhere relatively closer to the mass printer itself. Point is, leaving my documents on or near the printer makes sense.

Here comes Interference. They print their documents out, one page at a time. They will go to the printer, stand there, watch each page print, and put each page in a pile and then do that little stack/tap thing with the paper pile so they are all in order for every page they add to the pile. (Shoot these idiots!). Then they will take alien documents (documents that aren't theirs!) off the printer as well, look at them, decide who they are for, and begin a --journey-- throughout the office playing "delivery person" and ensuring that, eventually, each person who printed something will get their documents hand delivered to them--in due time during the journey.

So what does a sap like myself (and some other people) do? We go to the printer for our documents...not knowing that the Interference person has appropriated our documents and is now on more tours than Madonna around our office passing them out... And, if you are at the printer getting your document, obviously, you are not at your desk to receive your hand delivered document by this office psycho. So eventually, he or she will take the 'undelivered" pile of printouts and put them back in a loose stack somewhere near the printer after you have already been there thinking your document (for some reason) didn't print.

But wait, there's more.

You print your documents all over again. The same thing happens. Your documents are on tour throughout the office. So you print them yet again. Because you get up over and over again, you keep missing the hand delivered documents by the person stealing them...who puts them back in a stack at the end of their tour.

Finally, at the end of the day, your boss prints something and unbelievably they always have the luck of the office psycho not being around...as they strut their way to the printer...they notice a huge pile of loose documents that have been unclaimed...several copies of each..with your name on them. The boss approaches you, hand delivers your documents, and asks you why you have printed out so many copies on the printer when you could use the copier instead. Then a comment is made on how much time you must waste with the printer in your given day.

Now it's clear.

You have to kill the person who is running interference with your documents.

Just remember when you eventually do, print out all the individual copies of their death certificate for the entire office staff on the printer.

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3564 days ago

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3568 days ago

Nicknames are great. They can be code for those in-the-know. However, I'm still trying to come up with a nice word for "Dipshit"...

I'll take suggestions.

So far the only one I can think of is "Sarah Palin." and some late night comedians have already moved in on my territory with that one.

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3568 days ago

I'll break this one down quickly A / B style.

A is for asshole. If you are writing emails to tell people where you are going to be and it's for less than an hour, you are a self-important asshole. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude or vulgar, but over-usage of email should be such a crime that perhaps in some countries you would be shot for doing it. Furthermore, it's stupid. If you are going to the bathroom, and you actually email someone that--if something comes up, should I come find you and ask you about it? And this leads to bigger and more un-needed corporate government... For example, if you email me and are going to be in the bathroom, and something comes up--and I go find you...and if you are the opposite sex than me, what's the protocol? How should it be enforced? Should I knock on the door outside the bathroom and yell your name?

"Hey Zelda, I know you are busy with your movement on the throne, but the Smith Report is due and they want it faxed over now, and we can't find it?"

Please congratulate me on my 60's/70's-ish use of an office example with the Smith Report thingee. That deserves something doesn't it?

Back to the protocol...

If you are the opposite sex, but your email said where you would be, does this give us "Entry Rights" to engage you in the washroom through the stall door? Perhaps we should color code the priorities and email them with the email so we know protocol. If you are in the bathroom, it's a code red, but if you are in the break room, it's code two, or something like that. Also, if you are around and not at your desk, can we just bellow out your name, or should we use the intercom system?

"HEY ZELDA, IF YOU ARE NOT FEEDING YOUR PIEHOLE IN THE BREAKROOM, PLEASE COME TO YOUR DESK, WE CAN'T FIND THAT ***explivite *** SMITH REPORT! YOU KNOW, THE ONE I BANGED ON THE BATHROOM STALL DOOR WITH YOU ABOUT OVER AN HOUR AGO WHEN YOU WERE ON THE ***explitivie*** TOILET TAKING A ***explitive***?!"


B is for BE Creative.

As for astrology, I believe that you should send these out to co-workers... but do one of two things...

Mix them up so they are not the right month... Give the Taurus the words of wisdom for Cancer. Redefine the entire astrological words for the day for everyone. Mix it up.

OR

Make up one of your own that relates to your coworker so they run over to you later and say how accurate it is...Then continue to do it once a week so by the end of the year, they are praying to the astrological signs with veracity. That's always a fun one.

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3568 days ago

Interesting idea to appear to be insane and crazy enough to a point where someone might actually leave you alone and let you get your work done---however poor invention in the "ideas" R&D Department...basically, because I have to ask, where does one get "Mosquito Netting"? Gander Mountain (an outdoor/sporting store)?

Also, this would qualify as an idea that is strange--but not strange enough to keep away that one co-worker who would always come up to you and ask you about it, look at it in wonder, and treat it as an invitational conversation piece to bother you even more from getting your work done while they, as usual, do nothing on the job and continued to get paid for it without reprimand or consequence.

Speaking of which--short anecdote here. I worked with a woman who once put up a scarf across her cubicle. That was her way of saying to others "Do Not Disturb." It never really worked for several reasons.

1. I'm a male, and I don't know much about women's scarves, so I was twice as curious as the next person as to why she put one across her cubicle. She has put up fake leaves all over her cubicle in the fall, so I figured maybe she was celebrating Mardi Gras? I had to ask. She wasn't pleased with my inquiry.

2. All the women in the office commented on the beauty of the scarf, and wanted to know where she got it and why it was being hung up as a blockade across her cubicle. That really pissed her off. So she finally took it down, and then the women were asking where the beautiful cubicle decoration went and why wasn't it up anymore, like a pretty little door or something.

Now, very briefly, I once worked with a guy who used to put crime scene tape (from a local police department) across his cubicle as is way of saying he didn't want to be disturbed. However it never worked. Why you ask?

He was already disturbed long before he got his hands on the crime scene tape.

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3568 days ago

Again my only regret is I didn't think of this myself. It would probably be yet another futile attempt on my part to get a co-worker to really pay attention and think--but hey, what the hell, why not?

If you are going to continue conducting insanity in your office (Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result) at least do it as creatively as possible with some minor re-invention.

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