Every state’s basic definition of marriage is “equal partners in ALL matters and things”; nothing about LOVE is written. Yet in every relationship there are, unfortunately, expectations. Whether verbalized or even understood, when such are not being met, the relationship WILL break down.
As a woman, you men need to realize there’s nothing lazy about being married! A truly lazy woman will NOT have a husband but will enjoy either her monthly welfare check or her boyfriend’s generosity. Get the picture? When you asked her to marry you, surely you had this notion that you'd be providing support—do you think she married you to financially support you? You're going to have a job whether or not you have a wife, so just live within your means—that ought to teach her! This is the worst reason for divorcing out there!
The TRUE TRUTH for you husbands is:
If you LOVE someone, “it” shouldn’t matter. All you out there who no longer love your wife because she won’t get a job should be ashamed of yourself! A man in this culture is SUPPOSED to support his wife—but not her hobbies and certainly not her habits. Spoiling her is sweet but not part of accountability. If you have any value for your marriage, don’t take control of the decisions; remain a willing partner and negotiate your situation mutually deciding on the alternative that results from agreed upon decisions—everything has its trade-offs. Keep in mind that a GOOD negotiation is an agreement where neither person gets everything desired. I’ll bet you’ve been making all the decisions and thereby getting your way, but you firmly believe that she’s getting HER way because she’s not jumping through your hoop! I don’t see reciprocity here.
The TRUE TRUTH for you wives is:
If you LOVE someone, “it” shouldn’t matter. If you have any value for your marriage, don’t take control of the decisions; remain a willing partner and negotiate your situation mutually deciding on the alternative that results from agreed upon decisions—everything has its trade-offs. AND don’t be blind; when you are made aware that your finding a job is REALLY important to your husband, then just do it—IF you really love him—you will. Hopefully, his motives won’t be so he can buy yet another Harley-Davidson, and he’ll cheerfully take responsibility for at least half of the chores. If not, then happily rub his nose in that fact that you no longer have time to do...; or you gotta get to work early tomorrow and are too tired for sex... That said, I’ll bet a wife who refuses to go to work at her husband’s nagging is doing so ONLY because her husband has caused her to believe that he wants her income producing ability INSTEAD OF HER. She doesn’t believe he’s the least bit interested in her happiness or self-worth. I don’t see reciprocity here.
My advice is simple: If you value your marriage (1) rein in your ego, (2) be the first to apologize, and (3) recruit your partner to recognize the path you’re on and agree to help fix it. If this just doesn’t work (or if, like for me, it’s just too late and trust has become extinct), accept responsibility for your part in it not working, learn from the experience and just get on down the road. Happiness lives "out there" for everyone.
