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Limericks

A limerick is a nonsensical verse of five lines with an AABBA rhyme scheme. Limerick, Ireland, is reputed to be the source of this "literary" device. Most limericks are ribald, some obscene but most are clever.

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Science & Nature > Language and Words

List added by GenghisTheHun on 7/16/2005

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35 List Items

1

A wonderful bird is the pelican, His bill can hold more than his belican, He can take in his beak, Food enough for a week, But I’m damned if I see how the helican (Dixon Merritt)

4.60 Stars | 5 ratings

2

A winsome young pirate named Bates, Used to slide on the deck on his skates. He slipped on his cutlass, and ended up nutless! He was practically useless on dates!

5.00 Stars | 3 ratings

3

After decades, debate over "Scopes," Has creationists now on the ropes. For no cogent design, By creator, divine, Could produce such incredible dopes!

5.00 Stars | 3 ratings

4

In convertibles she was quite brash, When she put her feet up on the dash. As a trucker drove by, Her bare crotch caught his eye, And four people were killed in the crash.

5.00 Stars | 3 ratings

5

There was once a man named McNair,who was boffing his wife on the stair-when the banister broke,he quickened his stroke,and finished the act in the air. (thanks Djahuti)

5.00 Stars | 3 ratings

6

There once was a young barmaid from Vail. On her breasts were written the prices of ale, And on her behind, For the sake of the blind, The prices were tatooed in braille .

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

7

An architect fellow named Yoric, Could, when feeling euphoric, Display for selection, Three kinds of erection -- Corinthian, ionic, and doric.

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

8

The PATRIOT act caught us napping, As our liberties took a good rapping; But, never you fear, That sound that you hear, Isn't Big Brother a-tapping.

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

9

There once was a girl named Lewinsky, Who played on a flute like Stravinsky. 'Twas "Hail to the Chief," On this flute made of beef, That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

10

When limerick writers convene, Their reason for making the scene, Is to make tepid jokes, Meant for church going folks, Into verses perverse and obscene.

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

11

A naked young lass up in Norway, Hung by her heels from the doorway. She said to her young man, "Get off the divan, I think I've discovered one more way!"

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

12

The limerick packs laughs anatomical, Into space that is quite economical., But the good ones I've seen, So seldom are clean, And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

13

We will pity the runaway bride. She can run but she clearly can't hide; And the kidnapping hoax, Makes her butt of all jokes, All to have wedding plans set aside?

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

14

Who cares about duties he shirks?Consider it one of his perks. With Bush, we have found, We lose far less ground, The fewer the hours that he works.

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

15

A winsome young gay in Khartoum, Took a lesbian up to his room, They argued all night, Over who had the right, To do what and with which and to whom!

3.00 Stars | 3 ratings

16

A certain Faith Healer from Deal,did claim that pain was not real-when hit in the head,with a pipe made of Lead,said; "I dislike what I fancy I feel" (thanks Djahuti)

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

17

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown, What Kaczynski must surely have known: That an intern is better, Than a bomb in a letter, When deciding how best to be blown!

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

18

No zebras did board Noah's ark, Only horses, two white, and two dark, But for forty black nights, There were no bedroom lights, Which caused zebras galore to disbark!

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

19

Once a cow in a field cried, “Awake! There has been a most ghastly mistake. I’ve been forced to conclude, That this herd has been screwed, We’re not here just for shakes but for steak.”

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

20

Spanish matador tales are so gory, French Casanova tales are so 'scory'! Gotta check with my shrink, But know what I think...Each of them is a cock and bull story!

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

21

There once was a man quite unsavory, who kept his vicar in slavery. With lecherous howls, he'd bugger young owls, that he kept in an underground "avery."

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

22

There was a fair maiden of Exeter,So pretty that guys craned their necks at her.One was even so brave, as to take out and wave, The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

23

There was a lad named Magruder, who found a nude and he wooed her. She thought it was crude, to be wooed in the nude! But Magruder was shrewder, he screwed her!

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

24

There was a wee lass from Devizes, Who had breasts of two different sizes, One was so small, It was nothing at all, The other was quite large and won prizes.

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

25

There was a young man who sent e-mails,To various dubious females,When asked what they said,He just shook his head;I'd rather not go into details.

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

26

There was a young woman from Stroud,Whose artistic skills did her proud,She thought it not rude,To paint in the nude,And soon drew a sizeable crowd.

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

27

There was a young woman named Bright, Who traveled much faster than light. She set out one day In a relative way, And returned on the previous night.

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

28

A team playing baseball in Dallas. Called the umpire bad names out of malice. While that worthy had fits, The team made eight hits And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

29

There was a lady from University, Who was the sole of perversity, She was into candles, And all manner of scandals, And sexual positions in diversity .

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

30

A girl who weighs many an oz. Used language I will not pronoz. For a fellow unkind, Pulled her chair out behind, He wanted to see if she'd boz.

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

31

A young lad called Andy swore, that six minus one equalled four. His parents cried, his teachers tried, but he always had four, never more.

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

32

There was a young person named Gray,Who youthful forever did stay,But up in the attic,Things weren't quite so static,His picture grew older each day.

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

33

To her new beau from bright California, The blonde said, "I guess I should warn ya --I'm unfaithful, on drugs, I enjoy taunting thugs, And when I find a rich guy I'll scorn ya."

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

34

There was a young lady fom Glass, Who had a magnificent ass, Not rounded and pink, As you'd probably think, but had two long ears and ate grass!

3.00 Stars | 2 ratings

35

As the evidence quickly amasses, What a danger Cialis, alas, is; I'm hoping they find, It won't make me blind, If I use it just 'til I need glasses.

2.50 Stars | 2 ratings

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