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Theists Say The Darnedest Things!

Samples of heavenly fare from the four corners. Rate them however you find them, and when more are discovered, remember where best to display them.

Star Rating Scale: 1 = laugh riot / 2 = hoot and a holler / 3 = what can you say / 4 = not so bad / 5 = perfectly fine

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Science & Nature > Quotations

List added by traderboy on 2/15/2006

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29 List Items

1

"To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but to those outside everything is in parables, so that they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand." - - Jesus

5.00 Stars | 4 ratings

2

"The Boy Scouts of America maintain that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing his obligation to God." - - BSA

3.60 Stars | 5 ratings

3

"In Christian freedom, we know we are the children of God, and we know we own the whole cosmos." - - Theological Associate Professor Carol Johnston, Theological Seminary

2.38 Stars | 8 ratings

4

"It is just retribution for improper sexual misconduct." - - Mother Teresa (about AIDS)

2.25 Stars | 16 ratings

5

"I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." - - George W. Bush

2.18 Stars | 11 ratings

6

"A person who is guided by God will never be misguided by anyone." - - Osama Bin Laden

2.11 Stars | 9 ratings

7

"Don't you think that the irresponsible behavior of men is caused by women?" - - Pope John Paul II

1.75 Stars | 12 ratings

8

"The mind can never follow the heart. It always tries to deceive people. Only when the mind is controlled and destroyed, can the heart truly shine." - - "brze", alt.atheism poster

2.33 Stars | 3 ratings

9

"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country." - - Jerry Falwell

2.11 Stars | 9 ratings

10

"You're not wearing pants in my church, you demon!" - - Reverend Clarence "June" Love

1.75 Stars | 8 ratings

11

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." - - Reverend Pat Robertson

1.45 Stars | 11 ratings

12

"We set up the courts. We can unseat the courts." - - Former Rep. Tom DeLay

3.00 Stars | 1 ratings

13

"We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did." - - United States Representative Richard Baker, (R) Baton Rouge

2.10 Stars | 10 ratings

14

"We've learned how to move under radar in the cover of night with shrubbery strapped to our helmets." - - Ralph Reed

2.00 Stars | 3 ratings

15

"I want to be invisible. I do guerrilla warfare. I paint my face and travel at night. You don't know it's over until you're in a body bag. You don't know until election night." - - Ralph Reed

1.67 Stars | 3 ratings

16

"The earth is flat, and anyone who disputes this claim is an atheist who deserves to be punished." - - Sheik Abdel-Aziz Ibn Baaz, Supreme religious authority, Saudi Arabia, 1993

1.44 Stars | 9 ratings

17

"I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry. And I'm going to be blunt and plain: if one ever looks at me like that, I'm going to kill him and tell God he died." - - Jimmy Swaggart

1.30 Stars | 10 ratings

18

"Don't masturbate. It's a no-no and can cause rape, insanity, or bodily damage." - - Brice Wellington, talk.origins stalwart

1.25 Stars | 4 ratings

19

"As a professional psychiatrist, I say that the height of bliss comes with the end of the countdown: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And then you push the button and blow yourself up." - - Dr. 'Adel Sadeq, chairman, Arab Psychiatrists Association

1.00 Stars | 7 ratings

20

"Plagues are good and God knows this. Without them he couldn't teach us how to stop them." - - Jerry Myers, alt.atheism poster

1.00 Stars | 1 ratings

21

"Sisters making more money than brothers and it's creating problems in families.....that's one of the reasons many of our women are becoming lesbians." - - Reverend Willie Wilson

1.00 Stars | 3 ratings

22

"Thank God for dead soldiers. Thank God for IEDs." - - Reverend Fred Phelps

1.00 Stars | 6 ratings

23

"The doctrine that the earth is neither the center of the universe nor immovable, but moves even with a daily rotation, is absurd, and both philosophically and theologically false, and at the least an error of faith." - - The Roman Catholic Church

1.00 Stars | 1 ratings

24

"We do 'Romeo and Juliet' but we take out the bawdy elements." - - Stephen Jones, President of Bob Jones University

1.00 Stars | 2 ratings

25

"Christian Science repudiates the evidences of the senses and rests upon the supremacy of God. Christian healing places no faith in hygiene or drugs; it reposes all faith in mind, in spiritual powers divinely directed." - - Mary Baker Eddy

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

26

"I do not find the death penalty immoral. I am happy to reach that conclusion because I like my job and I'd rather not resign." - - Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

27

"The Establishment Clause permits the disregard of devout atheists." - - Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

28

"The most profound purpose of polls is to see how people are responding to God." - - George Gallup, Jr.

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

29

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die." - - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

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