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Product Label Instructions for Complete Idiots

These are actual product instructions apparently designed with complete buffoons in mind.

Star Rating Scale: 1 = poor / 2 = fair / 3 = average / 4 = good / 5 = great

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Companies > Miscellaneous Companies

List added by irishgit on 3/24/2004

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56 List Items

1

"Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals." on some Husqvarna chainsaws.

4.71 Stars | 28 ratings

2

"Warning: contains nuts." On Sainsbury's peanuts.

4.61 Stars | 28 ratings

3

“Remove child before folding" on a baby stroller

4.62 Stars | 21 ratings

4

"Do Not Iron Clothes on Body." on Rowenta Iron

4.27 Stars | 22 ratings

5

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." on Nytol Sleep Aid

4.35 Stars | 23 ratings

6

"For indoor and outdoor use only" on most brands of Christmas lights

4.25 Stars | 24 ratings

7

"Instructions: Open Packet, Eat Nuts." on American Airlines packet of nuts.

4.19 Stars | 21 ratings

8

"Not to be used for the other use." on a Japanese food processor.

4.42 Stars | 19 ratings

9

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill" on a carpenters electric drill

4.43 Stars | 14 ratings

10

"Do Not Turn Upside Down" printed on bottom of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert

4.40 Stars | 15 ratings

11

"Product will be hot after heating." on Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding

4.38 Stars | 16 ratings

12

"Do Not Use While Sleeping" on a Sears Hairdryer

4.06 Stars | 16 ratings

13

"Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally" on a digital thermometer

4.50 Stars | 12 ratings

14

“Do not drive with sunshield in place” on a cardboard car sunshield

4.25 Stars | 12 ratings

15

"You could be a winner. No Purchase Necessary. Details Inside." on a bag of Fritos

3.76 Stars | 17 ratings

16

"Directions: Use like regular soap." on a bar of Dial soap.

4.00 Stars | 16 ratings

17

“If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.” on a bottle of drain cleaner

4.00 Stars | 15 ratings

18

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." on a Halloween Superman costume.

3.58 Stars | 19 ratings

19

"Serving suggestion: Defrost." On some Swanson frozen dinners.

3.77 Stars | 13 ratings

20

“Not intended for highway use” on a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow

4.44 Stars | 9 ratings

21

“DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.” on a massage chair

4.25 Stars | 12 ratings

22

“Do not eat toner” on a cartridge for a laser printer

4.20 Stars | 10 ratings

23

“May irritate eyes” on a can of self-defense pepper spray

4.00 Stars | 12 ratings

24

“Do not use snowthrower on roof.” on a snowblower

4.50 Stars | 8 ratings

25

“Harmful if swallowed" on a brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook

4.11 Stars | 9 ratings

26

"Some assembly required" on a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle

4.71 Stars | 7 ratings

27

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." on rat poison

4.71 Stars | 7 ratings

28

“DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.” on a box of birthday candles.

4.00 Stars | 9 ratings

29

"Do not use for personal hygiene" on a toilet brush

3.78 Stars | 9 ratings

30

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medicine." on Boot's CHILDRENS cough medicine

3.69 Stars | 13 ratings

31

“Do not use as a ladder.” on a 12-inch rack for storing compact disks

3.60 Stars | 10 ratings

32

“Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.” on some models of Maytag dishwashers.

4.17 Stars | 6 ratings

33

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted" warning sign at a power substation

4.75 Stars | 4 ratings

34

"Caution: Do not use near power lines" on a toilet plunger

4.60 Stars | 5 ratings

35

"This product moves when used" on a child's scooter

3.67 Stars | 6 ratings

36

"Not Dishwasher Safe" RCA Television Remote Control

5.00 Stars | 3 ratings

37

"Fits one head." Hotel provided shower cap in a box:

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

38

“Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.” on a smoke detector

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

39

"Keep out of children." On a Korean kitchen knife

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

40

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." On a driving mirror

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

41

"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" Komatsu Floodlight

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

42

"Do not consume" Home Depot Treated Lumber

4.25 Stars | 4 ratings

43

“Caution - Risk of Fire” on a manufactured fireplace log

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

44

"Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows" on an Air Conditioner

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

45

"Kills all kinds of insects... Warning: this product is harmful to bees." On a can of insecticide

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

46

"Do not use as an ice cream topping." On a hair color kit

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

47

"May be harmful if swallowed" on a case of hammers

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

48

"Warning: Do not microwave bottle when empty." on a Stanley Heatkeeper food jar

4.00 Stars | 3 ratings

49

"Instructions: Put on food" Heinz Ketchup

3.75 Stars | 4 ratings

50

"Not meant as substitute for human companionship." Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

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