Funniest Quotations Regarding Sex

Just a random listing of funny and ironic quotes from a smattering of famous people.

Star Rating Scale: 1 = Hey!That's Not Funny / 2 = Sickening / 3 = Amusing / 4 = Very Funny / 5 = Top Of The List

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Science & Nature > Quotations

List added by EschewObfuscation on 4/10/2006

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." -Woody Allen

2 reviews

4.50 Stars | 4 ratings

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

3 reviews

4.20 Stars | 5 ratings

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."-Robin Williams

5 reviews

4.00 Stars | 6 ratings

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." -Steve Martin

2 reviews

4.00 Stars | 5 ratings

" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." -Barbara Bush (and you thought the former First Lady had no sense of humor)

4 reviews

3.43 Stars | 7 ratings

Women want one man who can satisfy their every desire, men want every woman who can satisfy their one desire. -Unknown

3 reviews

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

Sex without Love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

1 review

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." -Elmo Phillips

1 review

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." -Robert DeNiro

1 review

4.00 Stars | 3 ratings

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."-Matt Barry

2 reviews

4.00 Stars | 2 ratings

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for re-incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." -George Burns

1 review

4.00 Stars | 3 ratings

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." -Jerry Seinfeld

no reviews

3.25 Stars | 4 ratings

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." -Joan Rivers

4 reviews

3.17 Stars | 6 ratings

"I need sex for a good complexion but I'd rather do it for love." Joan Crawford

1 review

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." -Rodney Dangerfield, also attributed to Woody Allen (thanks Jed1000)

1 review

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black me! n. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." -Tiger Woods

2 reviews

3.33 Stars | 3 ratings

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." -Lynn Lavner

1 review

2.67 Stars | 3 ratings

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." -Camille Paglia

no reviews

3.00 Stars | 2 ratings

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" -Dustin Hoffman

no reviews

3.00 Stars | 1 ratings

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -Billy Crystal

no reviews

3.00 Stars | 2 ratings

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Funniest Quotations Regarding Sex

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