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When Insults Had Some Style and Wit

Please rate the following classical insults and suggest your own.

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Science & Nature > Quotations

List added by GenghisTheHun on 1/1/2007

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59 List Items

1

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

5.00 Stars | 5 ratings

2

Lady Astor to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison." Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it."

5.00 Stars | 5 ratings

3

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

4.75 Stars | 4 ratings

4

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde

4.50 Stars | 4 ratings

5

Bessie Braddock to Churchill "Winston, you're drunk!" Churchill: "Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober."

5.00 Stars | 3 ratings

6

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one." Winston Churcill in response to G. B. Shaw's invitation insult

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

7

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

8

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

9

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -- Robert Redford

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

10

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination." -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

11

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. -- Charles, Count Talleyrand

4.00 Stars | 4 ratings

12

"I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body."

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

13

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill (about Clement Attlee)

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

14

"A sheep in sheep's clothing." Winston Churchill (about Clement Attlee)

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

15

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new Play, bring a friend... if you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

16

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

17

"Egad sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox." "That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." (John Wilkes to the Earl of Sandwich)

5.00 Stars | 2 ratings

18

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

19

"One could drive a schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact."-- David Houston about William Jennings Bryan

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

20

Jean Harlow: 'Why you're Margot Asquith, aren't you?' (mistakenly pronouncing the 't')Margot Asquith: 'No my dear, the 't' in Margot is silent, as in Harlow.'

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

21

";I've been called worse things by better men."

4.00 Stars | 2 ratings

22

"His album was called 'Bad' because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for 'Pathetic'."

4.00 Stars | 2 ratings

23

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

3.40 Stars | 5 ratings

24

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

25

"He is indebted to his memory for his jests, and his imagination for his facts" Richard Brinsley Sheridan

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

26

"I have seen their backs before, madam." Duke of Wellington

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

27

"The Honorable Member disagrees, Mr Speaker. I can hear him shaking his head." Pierre Trudeau

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

28

“The worst thing I can say about democracy is that it has tolerated the Right Honorable Gentleman for four and a half years.” Aneurin Bevan

5.00 Stars | 1 ratings

29

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

30

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

31

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

32

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

33

"He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened." -- Winston Churchill about Stanley Baldwin

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

34

"He would kill his own mother just so that he could use her skin to make a drum to beat his own praises." -- Margot Asquith about Winston Churchill

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

35

"Here Lies Ezekail Aikle, Age 102. The good die young." -- anonymous epitaph

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

36

"I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along."

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

37

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

38

"Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

39

"She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet." - Julie Andrews

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

40

"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity."-- Benjamin Disraeli

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

41

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

42

"To Noel Gallagher, RIP. Heard your latest album - with deepest sympathy, Robbie Williams."

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

43

"Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself."

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

44

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his friends for his life." Jeremy Thorpe

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

45

"I never question the monkey, when I can question the organ grinder." Winston Churchill

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

46

Clark Gable to William Faulkner: "Oh, Mr. Faulkner, do you write?"

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

47

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

48

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

3.33 Stars | 3 ratings

49

"When you say you agree to a thing in principle you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice."-- Otto von Bismarck

3.33 Stars | 3 ratings

50

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

2.67 Stars | 3 ratings

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