Twilight 2

She made me watch this film. I swear. I feel like less of a man. I want to warn straight men everywhere to stay away but our girlfriends/wives/potential mattress-testers will drag us kicking and screaming. . .

Okay- she has a future as an actress (whats-her-face-who-loves-Edward). . .he (Vampire-doing-James-Dean-Impression) needs to work on something else besides brooding. Some issues with this appalling vampire film-

1. Vampires walking around in daylight? Hello? Anyone? What other cultural/cinematic impossibilities await? Porn between Palestinians and Israelis?

2. Vampires in High School. Okay. . .you get bitten. . .you are a lord of darkness. . .you are an immortal creature. CS IS NOT SPENDING AN ETERNITY IN HIGH SCHOOL no matter how sweet the pickins' are. . .

3. Horrible fight scenes. We are 9+ years since the first Matrix film came out and this film contains one of the worst fight sequences ever. . .


I'll give it a gift two because of some pretty photography and nice atmosphere. Oh, it was nice to see a film that depicts a single father as a nice guy instead of a drunk/jackass/loser.

I need a revenge rental. Jackie Chan, save me. . .