Genetically incapable of being quiet for more than a nanosecond, she is either on the phone, texting (while talking), or blathering inanities at whichever poor bastard brought her. Should he book it for a washroom run, she feels free to turn herself loose on whoever seems most vulnerable. In determining this, she has the same unerring ability that a lioness has for cutting out the injured wildebeest, and will inflict her blether to lethal effect.

The worst part of CC, is that her nonstop noise is never about the game. It is about what she wore last night, her girlfriend's new boyfriend, the cutest little top she saw at the Gap, or (if she's older) how every single relative she has is doing healthwise.

I can't imagine taking one of these to a game. Frankly, I can't imagine being around one under any circumstances for very long. She's the kind of woman you wouldn't dare have missionary position sex with, because it would remind her what color she wants to paint the ceiling.

I went to a game in 2000 at Fenway against the A's. All I remember was that The Red Sox won and Jurassic Carl Everett hit a homer. During the game, I was subjected to listening to all sorts of nonsense from the somewhat but not totally inebriated middle aged to old woman in front of me. " Why aren't the A's wearing dark green?" " Don't forget to tell Ted and Mary about the christening." " " What's a triple ?" ( Probably her husband's suicide attempts in the last half decade for having to listen to these inanities on a regular basis.) Ceaseless anecdotes about the last visit to Fenway in 67 BC.

The woman looked like a Mildred too- a Mildred is a white, middled aged, very plain, woman. My rule of thumb is if a woman is black and named Mildred or Doris or Delores or Agnes, or something like that she might still be hot, but a white chick with that name, never, at least in the 20th/ 21st centuries...This woman would not shut the fuck up.

She just can't shut up. She just can't put that phone down. You secretly wonder what the hell she's doing here. Then she gets annoyed when the crowd noise drowns out her below-average conversation. . .