Little does the python know that my birthday year (1977) is the "year of the snake" according to the Chinese horoscope, so I will have special powers against him. Plus I have a 9mm handy too so that helps.

Scenario: Mike invites snake To local sports Bar for beer and Wings. Snake succumbs to alcohol poisoning and Dies. Mike wins.

Mike wins this one easily.
As the Python engulfs him, Mike says, "You're really wrapped up in this huh? LOL".
The snake pauses, thinking to himself, "What the hell does LOL mean?"
Mike grabs his throat. "Do you know a hot red-head named ayn? Give me her number and I will find a fat rat for you."
The snake is thinking, I have never seen any shit like this.
Mike belches in the Python's face. The grip loosens.
"Where are you going?" Mike demands. "Okay, do you know any chicks? Even female snakes- I don't care. Come back here...wait...we need more females over at Rateitall!"
The Python reaches the water. "What the hell does that boy drink?" he asks himself.
Astromike is the clear winner.