my ex can clear a party out in 5 minutes flat. he is such a bully and nobody wants to chance being the targeted one.

Let's hope they don't trash my house!

Greet your host or hostess with a resounding slap on the behind, and burst out laughing, You're giving J-Lo some competition! If your host is still speaking to you by this time discourage him from introducing you to the other guests, because I'll forget all their names anyway. If the social event is a fancy dinner, complain about the prissy fare, and whine, Jeez, what I wouldn't give for a burger and a beer! Eat with your fingers and bring some crayons to draw on the tablecloth or the napkins.