Pre-iceberg: What a beautiful ship! I just lovvvve a nice Trans-Atlantic crossing don't you Mr. and Mrs. Astor?

Initial Iceberg Impact: Oh dear, that punch really packs a mean kick.

Post Iceberg: Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!

Post Sinking...scenario 1: That's a real shame.

Post Sinking...scenario 2: Blub, blub, blub...

"Why are those sailors rearranging the deck chairs and why is everything sliding to the front of the boat?"

"Hey bartender, why is this bar on a slant?"

Unsinkable my ass! If I survive this, I'm sueing for false advertisment!

"Anyone know where I can get some ice for my drink?"

"Oh, wait a minute. Nevermind, found some."

Do you think those people over there in that diving bell will see us stealing Titanic artifacts?

Brrr, I'm feeling shrinkage. Where is that dang Celine Dion music coming from? I knew I should have learned how to do the *glug-glug* backstroke ...

Either, And to think, I was fortunate that I got upgraded to a first class stateroom, or Glub...Glub...Glub

. . . before or after it sunk?

I know I ordered ice, but this is ridiculous! (not original with me, so I can't take credit for this line, but I always thought it was funny)

We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die! I'm not panicking! We're all gonna die!

This is not anything like Love Boat. Not only have I not met anyone dashing and romantic, I'm about to die on this damn ship.

Someone telegraph Aunt Florance in New York, we may be a little later than expected.