Back in the good old days when I got a flood of telemarketers calling, I had a fun day on one call. A damsel was on the other side and asked for Genghis.

"He is not at home. May I leave him a message?" sez I.

We carried on the conversation and it transpired that I might be interested in the product. She started writing up the order and asked for my name.

"Laszlo Btfsplk," I helpfully proffered, spelling but not stating the name.

"Oh, how do you pronounce that?" she sweetly asked.

"Smith," I answered.

That totally threw her for a loop. She was so flustered by having to call me Mr. Smith out of Btfsplk that she terminated the call.

I have no secrets. Anyone who calls me gets a lenghty autobiography, including my social security number, credit card numbers, checking account numbers and PINS.