I lost three close freinds plus my cat, Angus, this year.  I need not tell you how hard that is.  I have been in mourning all year.  I am looking forward to 2009.

Not "best friend" (I always thought that description went out of style in grade school anyway) but very close, and I'm probably going to be losing another one in a day or so. My late friend used to be a neighbor, and we became quite close over the years. We first met on a day when I was woefully hung over, had thrown up in a borrowed car the night before, and was trying desperately (and futilely) to clean it up. Without any lecture or moralizing, she brought over some home-made soup, which was exactly what I needed at that point. I met my last serious girlfriend through her, often stopped by after work to share drinks and conversation with her and her husband, and when I was contacted by the Lutheran Agency a few years ago to inform me that my birth mother wanted to make contact with me, my neighbor/friend was the first person I thought of to call. She was good people, but she had had a hard life and was a serious drinker and smoker. Her son committed suicide before I met her, she herself tried to commit suicide, and then her husband, who used to be a stabilizing influence on her, died of cancer. One devastating blow after another, which is how life is sometimes. I think she sort of gave up at that point, abandoning herself to her smoking, and spending most of her days swilling large goblets of wine alone in her apartment. She was older than me, so I never felt it was my place to "lecture" her, although I always tried to be there for her. She died suddenly not long ago, and I'm sure it was a self-willed end, when all is said and done. At least she's at peace now. The other friend I mentioned who is in a terminal condition was a  former co-worker. He's an older Orthodox Jew, but we used to talk movies and politics, and when he retired, I'd meet him at the Kosher restaurant in Teaneck where he used to regularly dine. Although he didn't drink, his liver is shot, and, based on what I've been told, he doesn't have long to go. One of the more troublesome aspects of death is that it doesn't usually allow you an opportunity to wrap up any loose ends you might have had in a relationship, to say goodbye, to wish them well as they pass over to that other side where we'll all wind up eventually, to forgive them for any transgressions they've done you or vice versa. It's sad, and it's hard, but it's life, for better or worse.

I wouldn't say he was my best friend, but a good friend of mine from the Corps was killed in Iraq a few years ago. More than anything it brought out a new rage in me. I really wanted to go over there and kill people in some misguided attempt to get one back for my friend. Kinda scary if you ask me...

One of my very good friends died in the car crash four years ago. He was only 23. I was depressed for months. Life is so unpredictable, yet so precious!

4 - Very bad. My very best friend of my life was killed in a motorcycle accident some years ago (p/u truck turned left right in front of him; no excessive speed involved - he was a mellow rider). I had lost several other friends in the few years prior (military), but this one was a complete shock, due to the incident and some things going on with the family in a broader scope at the time. I was sort of "adopted" by his family; he was like a brother to me. It was emotionally stunning. I was pretty much incapacitated for several weeks. I could barely function to even perform basic hygiene. It felt like my heart was crushed, and my head was in a vise. It seemed like the tears would never stop. Nothing else mattered for a while; life didn't seem worth living. I even had feelings of worthlessness. He was among the kindest, most generous people in the world, and I felt that it should have been me instead, as if my own death would have had much less traumatic and lasting effects for the rest of the world. I believe that other family members probably felt the same way. The family came together to grieve for about a year afterward, but eventually the entire family fell apart and now have little to do with each other. It was as if he was the "glue"; when he was gone the family bonds simply evaporated. We all lost something very precious to us, and none of us has ever been the same since. I still feel slightly empty and hollow when I think about all of it. I have truly lost a piece of my soul. Life is just not as enjoyable anymore, and I doubt I'll ever get that back. I remember it like it was yesterday, and I don't ever want to go through an ordeal like that again, but in a way, I don't think I'll ever have to. I know that the entire incident has made me emotionally stronger and more able to deal with tragedy, but it was and still is a terrible price to have to pay. My father died of cancer a few years ago, but since it was a long time coming, and expected, the emotional trauma was much easier to deal with.

It's hurtful either way, but it might depend a lot on how it happens. It might hit you harder if it's unexpected, rather than if your friend was slowly being affected by a disease of some kind. I haven't experienced the second way, but I have certainly felt the affects of the first. My friend (who was also my neighbor and my firs boyfriend) committed suicide a week before what would have been, his senior year of high school - he was only 17.

Just this past year, one of my very closest friends, William (Bill) Poulsen, died in an automobile accident near Palatka, Fl. Amongst many other things, Bill was the former owner of Age of Reason Books in downtown St. Petersburg, Fl. His mother called and told me the news the very next day, and needless to say, it hit me like a ton of bricks. His absense has left a whistling void in my life, and I still think about him nearly every day. Unfortunately, it seems all I can do is hope and pray he's in a better place now...