How did you become an umpire? Flunk out of tollbooth school? 1

I've umpired baseball and softball for several years now, and at one time or another I've heard most of these (hence my incentive to create the list) While some heckles show a little cleverness, most are pretty lame. I heard this one addressed to a umpiring colleague of mine last year, by a particularly drunk and stupid fan. Between innings, my colleague strolled over to the fence, smiled at the heckler, and said "Sir, I'm working here, and I'd appreciate it if you showed a little respect. After all, I don't come down to the bus station and yank sailors' dicks out of your mouth when you're working"