I think my mom went through this and secretly as a child, I wish they got a divorce. It would have given me more peace if they did rather than me listening to their constant fighting. I think it has bad impact on the children's relationships also. I grew up pretty much had no faith in marriage because of what I saw between my parents.

Way too many women make this stupid mistake! You really wanna live a crappy life just for this reason? You will be better off alone.

Far too many people do this to mask the real reason for ending a bad relationship- fear and insecurity. . .

The kids would be better off with the split. Well at least they'd have fewer issues.

My first marriage applies here. We were an on again-off again sort of couple who shouldn't have married in the first place. We had no kids, and kept separating and reconciliating.

During one period of reconciliation, our daughter was conceived, and we made an attempt to hold things together for almost two years.

Couldn't do it and decided on an amicable separation and divorce, instead of continued bitter squabbling.

This was driven, at least in part on her side by the memory of her parents "staying together for the kids" and fighting constantly.

Never been in this position, but from what I've seen from other families the kids tend to be more relieved when the parents split up rather than live in the constant turmoil of a bad home.  Neither choice is ideal, of course, and a couple should try to work out their differences as much as possible (preferably BEFORE they have kids, but life's not that clean-cut), but you'd probably be better off getting out of a bad relationship before the kids end up as collateral damage.

Live dishonestly to benefit the kids?  Come on.  If you're raising kids, I hope you have enough insight to know that creating a front of happiness and contentment that isn't there doesn't help them.  What does it teach them?  That living a lie can be "for the best"?  My parents got divorced when I was about 9.  A) I'm glad they didn't waste their lives being unhappy even though it caused us all some pain.  B) I really don't think divorce is all that bad.  It's just different.  I think one of the worst things about it is that society continually tells us how bad it is.  (That said, when a family breaks up, there is the potential for a lot of things to go wrong.  However, you can make divorce a relatively healthy happening.) C)  I've had the opportunity to be raised with more than just 2 people as parental influences.  Being raised by different people with different perspectives has allowed my brother and me a more diverse outlook on life and the way things could and should be.  D) I just wanted to say again that I hate when people say they're staying together for the "sake of the kids."  Weird as it is, I really think my parents divorce created a lot of opportunities that the kids of married parents don't necessarily get.  I'm not saying we should all get divorced for that reason.  But divorce definitely doesn't have to be as bad an alternative as some might think.

Hell no! It's harder on the kids that you stay together than it is that you go your seperate ways (just ask me, I know). I don't understand how people think kids aren't being affected by depressed and angry parents and an unstable home.

I know a lot of people in this position and they are so miserable its unreal that I cannot even stop to fathom what it must be like to be in this dilema. This stems from many things and not just one particular thing. Being in a bad and unhealthy relationship is bad enough, but having children involved is a whole new ball game and not a pleasant one if the relationship is not solid.

I have been in this position and made a conscious choice not to do that. I would probably make the same choice if it were happening now. I'm thankful that the relationship between my son's father and I did not get worse but better and that we kept in touch without resentment for years. I do have some regrets about the "no dad around for my son" part because we live so far away from each other but I think it would have been aweful hard on him had we stayed together. We just did not get along well enough to raise him in the same home.

I agree with Tracy that kids are priority, but bad relationship normally always get worse and in the end kids suffer anyway. I would probably try to explain to kids that if their parents aren't together, they still love their kids very much and never stop loving them. Perhaps moving on would be the best choice for everyone.

I wouldn't unless there were some way to fix the relationship. I'd explain to the kids that it's for the best.

I know at least a couple people who are doing this...