Strip Clubs
2
Nobody ever mistook me for a prude or a bluenose, but "strip clubs" never appealed to me, not even as a horny, drink-guzzlin' teenager who wasn't exactly a suave "ladies' man" type. The thought of being part of a gawking crowd of sweaty, drink-dazed, horny losers (a stereotype, true, but that's how I thought of it back in the day) surrounding a bored, siliconed lady trying to pay rent by gyrating around a pole in the nude always depressed me. The few times I have been at these places (with friends or co-workers who were obviously more into them than I was), the women have worked like fanatical telemarketers or televangelists to relieve me of "tip money" or offer me a "lap dance" when all I wanted to do was drink in peace. Once, one of them unbuttoned my shirt as I drank, rubbed my chest, and then rubbed her head in my crotch, which did make me momentarily re-think my aversion to such places. A few years ago, I was best man for a friend of mine who was getting married--- my friend was, and is, a sober, highly intelligent, and sensitive guy (unlike most of my other friends). I asked him if he wanted the "strip party" routine as part of his "bachelor party"and he said no; a dinner party at a local restaurant was sufficient. Later, though, 2 of his older uncles said, "Ah, hell, we gotta go to a strip club! It ain't a bachelor party if we don't!" We headed over to one outside Newark that was, admittedly, very wild. I had a great time, but not because of the strippers. My friend, who definitely did not want to be there, felt compelled by the urgent entreaties of his uncles to get a "lap dance" and he sat as stiff and motionless as a statue as his stripper gyrated all over him like someone with the violent shakes of malaria, and it had to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. My friend's father was there as well, and when a stripper approached him for a lap dance, he'd say, "I'm too old, but my son over there would love to have one." (My friend was ready to kill him before the night was through.) Another guy (not part of our group) was also getting married, and he wrestled on stage with 3 nude strippers, who actually were pretty attractive, I must say. At one point, one of them approached me. I had been approached constantly all night, and in exasperation I kept shaking my head no until she snapped, "Do you know how to say 'No thank you'? Just as good as shaking your head. 'No thank you'." I felt bad; let's face it, stripping has to be a shitty, demeaning job, and so I went over to her and said, "Look, I apologize if I offended you. It's just that all night long..." "Don't worry about it," she replied shortly, walking away towards another "prospect". My friend's father, an older Italian guy, came up to me and said, "Eddie, you apologized to that ugly whore? Jeez, you're a better guy than me, that's for sure." A few years ago, I read that one of the strippers that worked in that very place had been arrested because she had a severed human hand in her apartment. Apparently, one of her "admirers" worked in a morgue and gave her the severed hand, which he snuck out of work, because she was a Satanist and wanted an actual human body part for whatever "ritual" she felt she had to perform in the interests of her "religion". True story.
